Thursday, September 22, 2011
God is my judge
I've been thinking about a new tattoo...maybe that will be it? Probably not in English, and not sure where, but I really like that phrase right about now. Maybe it won't end up as a tattoo, but who knows...here's why I really appreciate it right now:
For quite a while now I have seen some pretty negative Facebook comments regarding "the church", I now know without doubt that these comments have been directly targeted at my home church, Providence. Finally, I had to question something, as I know this person. I have sat down with him on several occasions, loved his heart for ministry and his passion for the less fortunate. I've prayed over him as a member of Providence's prayer ministry team. I've sat at a bible study and had deep conversations with him. I thought that I could have a rational conversation regarding a comment that basically stated that bar tenders cannot lead a bible study. Through the conversation Providence was again attacked, as was my "moral compass". I was told that I am not a Godly man, nor do I know what one looks like because Providence doesn't have a single one. Because of some recent history I have in prayer ministry I was able to see through the comments and see that he has a deep wound. I was able to maintain what I thought was a conversation. Until one comment was made, followed by what I consider a false prophecy about my family.
The comment that ended the conversation for me was telling me that I am working with satan. Now, I know of course that this is certainly not true at all. But I was still pretty ticked off. I fully expect that my Christian brothers and sisters will judge my actions. If I am doing something that is hindering the ministry I am a part of, I would expect them to call it out. At the same time, there is only one that can judge my heart, and that's God. If someone has an issue with the way I act, I welcome them to tell me. It may be an issue I am not even aware of that is hurting another. But when someone lumps me in the category of working with the devil, I cannot continue to have a dialogue.
I have been attacked by others before for my actions. Not everyone was thrilled that I am spending 4 months in Kenya and they were not always quiet about it. My grandparents told me often since they knew that they think I shouldn't do this. In essence, they judged my actions. And I'm okay with that. They did so out of fear of what could happen, fear of losing me and a true and pure love for me. But as much as they vocalized their opinions on the subject, they also told me how proud they were. They never once judged my heart or my motives.
I was talking with my friend Daniel the other morning about this. I had a very long and sleepless night. Truthfully, I felt powerless for some reason. In the little sleep I got, I had dreams of being weak and unable to do anything. Somehow, the very fact that my character was now attacked really tore me down. Daniel said something profound to me: "the fact that your character has been attacked means that you're doing something right. And that scares people". Another friend, Clint, sent me some passages from Romans 8 that reaffirmed who I am. A verse that stood out to me so much was verse 33: "Who shall bring a charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ...". Again, God is my judge. He and He alone has the right and authority to judge my heart. And I am 100% confident that when I reach the end of my life, it is He who will say "well done my good and faithful servant".
God is my judge.