ESSE QUAM VIDERI: LATIN MEANING "TO BE RATHER THAN APPEAR TO BE". THIS PHRASE HAS GREAT IMPORTANCE TO ME AS I LEARN TO BECOME VULNERABLE AND SHARE MY TRUE HEART AND SELF WITH OTHERS. THIS BLOG IS A TRUE SHARING OF MY HEART. SOMETIMES IT MAY BE LIGHTHEARTED, WHILE OTHER TIMES IT MAY BE SERIOUS AND HEAVY. IN ANY EVENT, I HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY MY THOUGHTS.
I haven't written anything on here in a bit. So, for the 2 or 3 people who make read this - sorry!
I'm gearing up for Kenya in July! It's pretty amazing to see how things are falling into place. We had our first meeting a little while ago. Originally, our flights were going to cost close to $2,000. Faith, who is leading this trip, was able to get flights for less than $1,300! How amazing is that! God is definitely taking care of us here and it's so encouraging to witness it all. I've even had some people that I wouldn't have expected to donate funds that have asked me if they could help support me financially in this trip. I'm looking forward to how this trip is going to change me. When we met with Daniel a while back, he kept telling us not to come to Kenya expecting to change the country, but rather to expect that Kenya will change us. I'm already seeing it too.
Tonight, I was talking with Mike at bible study and somehow it came up that there is currently a woman in the US from Brazil speaking about her ministry there with the orphans. Mike was describing a little bit about it. I'm actually going to this dinner tomorrow night to hear her speak with one of the other guys at Mike's practice. I'm not sure what this will lead to. I'm keeping an open mind about where I will end up though. I told Mike tonight that it's not really a question of if I will serve outside of the country, it's a question of when and where. I can say that very confidently too.
This leads to the title of this particular blog - BLESSINGS. I was driving a bit tonight and thinking about a lot of things that I have experienced in life, especially before my adoption. I remember a lot of different abuses and living on the streets with my mom and sister. Long story short - it was a pretty dark time. I used to wonder why I had to go through some of it. I've reached a conclusion a while ago that it has to be to help others through it. As I spent some time driving and praying tonight, I thought how blessed I am to have experienced so much! I have experienced what it is to feel so neglected and wonder what it is to have loving parents. I have also gotten to experience the opposite end of the spectrum where I have two amazing parents that love me. I have not just one, but two amazing families that love me and support me in everything I do. It reminds me of Joseph's response to his brothers as they begged for his forgiveness. He told that that what they meant for evil, God meant for good.
I know that what I have been through is nothing compared to what so many children around the world have to endure day in and day out. I think that Mike said it pretty well when he was talking about the kids in Brazil. He said that they face every type of abuse imaginable and death every single day. These are kids who don't know what it is to experience love in any kind. These are the kids that need to know what it is to have the unconditional love of an amazing God.
I feel my calling is to love those who don't know love. I may not know exactly where that will be, but I am trusting in the Lord for a sense of direction and clarity for where to go. I know that it may be difficult to leave my family and friends here in the US, but if that's my calling, how can I say no? I really can't. There is an amazing future ahead for me and I am looking forward to it. I'm still blown away at how God can still use me after how many times I've stumbled and fallen. He has a wonderful plan