Tuesday, May 17, 2011

pinball weeks

You ever play pinball?  I remember when my dad got a new computer years ago that had the pinball game.  I used to rock that game!  I still remember having a high score north of 3 million.  Please, if that really isn't that high and you know of scores doubling that, don't tell me.  I wasn't very athletic so let let me have this one :)

These last couple of weeks I have felt like a pinball bouncing from bumper to bumper; flipper to flipper.  My countdown is now down to 8 days left of work.  Two weeks from today is my last day in West Chester.  And I have been all over the place in terms of how I feel.  I have felt fear and stress over the unknown.  Truthfully, one year from today I have no idea where I will be or what I will be doing.  I've felt sad as I start to say some goodbyes to people and know that relationships will be changing.  I've felt the sadness over lots of things that are changing.  And I've felt excitement.  Great excitement!  Things ARE changing.  But that doesn't have to be a bad thing.  I'm excited to see where the change takes me.

While I have felt like that pinball bouncing all over the place, above all, I've felt a great peace.  I know that the relationships that are important to me will continue to exist.  I know that I am pursuing a passion that is so heavy on my heart.  While there is so much uncertainty to everything, I'm really okay with it.  I'm at peace and I know that things will work out.  I know that this time next year, I will be taken care of.

This is such an exciting time for me as I step out in faith in a way that I really never had the opportunity to do before.  It's exciting as I begin to see how many people are in support of me.  Someone rather recently told me that while he doesn't support the Christian missions, he supports me and what I do.  And this person is coming along side of me and sponsoring part of this trip.  So many times lately people have been asking me how they can support me and it just amazes me that so many others believe in my passions.  I am so humbled by this.  Seriously, the other day as I was driving I just laughed and prayed, really God?  You're really doing this, aren't you?

And the financial support isn't all that amazes me.  It seems that every day I am encouraged in a new way by someone.  Sometimes a friendly email, sometimes a kind word of encouragement.  I have been so blessed during this time as I prepare.  My heart feels like it's about to burst open with joy.

This time of preparation has taught me so much.  I am learning to accept this kind of encouragement as individuals partner with me in support.  I'm learning to allow others the gift of giving as they partner with me in finances.  I'm learning to be still and be at peace.  Wait, be still?  Really?  In this time of moving?  Yes.  I'm learning to still myself.  I'm learning that a journey of a thousand miles doesn't start with a single step.  It starts with a pause and a stillness that brings peace.  So I'm learning that this isn't a race.  I don't have to run a mile a minute.  This is an adventure that is about the journey not the finish line.

I think that as this journey goes on, I'm going to learn so much more too.  I'm going to learn more as these passions grow deeper and the vision becomes clearer.  I'm going to learn a little more of my place in this world.  I'm going to learn a whole new love for family and friends.  I'm going to learn how to love my family and friends in a deeper way.  I don't believe that this will drive a wedge in between.  I think it will build a stronger bridge.  And through it all, I am going to learn a whole new level of faith in my God.  A faith that looks at the seemingly impossible and says "yeah, that can happen".  A faith that I've always wanted in my life.

So, yes.  I feel like a pinball bouncing all over the place.  But I'm enjoying the ride!  This pinball hasn't fallen yet.  I'm bouncing around, but I'm still in the game going for the high score.

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